With the toilet paper hoarding of late going down, I thought it might be fun to personify 12 foods that help to co-create euphoric bowel motions and meet them from an astrological perspective.
Some foods are common whilst some are quirky, because if you can’t name drop a few innovative ingredients in an article about astrology where can you?
At the very least, it should inspire you to amend your anal evacuations, saving you the irrational fear of toilet paper insecurity. A good poo is one that barely needs a wipe down after voiding.
On Saturday I posted this goofy video with the intention of granting humour to news feeds bogged down with COVID-19 pessimism.
My friends were probably thinking ‘Rach, stop singing’, but they’re too polite to say so. Oh well, at least my vagus nerve was happy (this nerve, which acts as someone of a telephone connection between the gut and the brain LOVES it when we sing, its like therapy for this cranial nerve).
And seeing as 70% of the immune system sits in the gut, to my precious immune cells I say ‘you are most welcome‘.
In fact, I love nut butter so much that I wrote a whole chapter about it, called Buttery Blended Nuts, which contains one of my favourite sections in the entire book. The oil plant high school reunion.
Hahaha, this whimsical character sketch never gets old! Check out the smug look on Peanut’s face. Classic.
Speaking of peanut. I cannot stress enough how incredible the following combo tastes;
Dried fruit of choice (I recommend raisins or dates or a dried fruit-medley with figs and apricots too)
Nut (or seed) butter of choice
It is a gingernut biscuit batter party in your mouth with all the immune-boosting properties of ginger, cell-renewing benefits of nuts and sweet fibrous offerings of dehydrated fruit. Genius.
I am so excited by this combination that I wrote a parody about it. It’s not called Price Tag (I’d never rip Jessie J off). It’s my vice brag. Not that I consider peanut butter out of the jar a ‘vice’, but I needed a rhyme and some might think my double-dipping disgusting.
I wish to inform you that I am the only one in my house who eats peanut butter. One jar doesn’t even last me a week. There’s no risk of cross contamination, nor microbial accumulation. I keep it clean and I keep it whimsical. And on that reputation-covering note, here’s the S*** I sing on Saturdays (my Facebook friend probably wish I didn’t). Enjoy amigos.
Vice Brag
“Peanut butter fan, apricot head and tahini, ginger’s ready”
Seems like everybody’s got a vice,
A crutch the like to hold real tight
Under a veil they thirst
For the thing they reckon
Will put a smile on their dial
Why should I think I’m delirious
Because I take my nut butter so serious
I slap it on pies
And steamed Broccoli
It’s always a bloody good time
An oversized spoon in my left (hand)
A jar of nut butter in my right (hand)
I don’t really wanna share,
My nut butter portions, alright
It doesn’t cost much money, money, money
Nor make my poos runny, runny, runny
But it makes my Vitamix dance
Into the blender from the nut bag
Ginger gives it; za-zing, za-zing
Dried friut makes it; sa-sing, sa-sing
And it makes my Vitamix Dance
And that’s my humble vice brag
Love to y’all. Stay happy and wash your hands often. Yours in balancing hysteria with humour,
Hiya, it’s Kayla Kumara, celebrated producer of the ‘fictitious’ – we only exist in Rach’s musical imagination – fibre-celebrating band, ‘Flour Power’. Yesterday, we gave our first performance and it received so many carbohydrate-appreciating giggles that we’re following it up with an encore.
A personalised shout-out to our glorious groupie, Lana, who requested we take a trip back to the 90’s with an iconic Aqua spin-off that we’ve aptly named ‘Carby Girl’. We’ll let you figure out what the original was called, but here’s a hint; perky plastic breasts.
Howdy friends, my name is Riley Rice, lead vocalist for the fictitious band ‘Flour Power’. On guitar we have Borris Buckwheat, Drums is Peter Potato and our epic producer is Kayla Kumara.
We are on a mission to silence the carby skeptics whilst celebrating the merits of saccharides, starch and fibre. Actually Rach is on a mission, but she sensed that you’d be far more entertained if we championed her message with our musical flare. Flour Power!
Wheat-free oats – poo-evacuating roughage for the win
Cauliflower – sneaky veg for liver-loving measure
Tahini – calcium-rich creaminess
Medjool dates – sweetness with dump-persuading fibre
Cinnamon – to balance blood sugar
Maca – stress-modulating caramel powder
Banana – magnesium-rich and shaped like a glorious poo
Salted Macadamia butter – bowel-lubricating fats and minerals
And now, for the recipe. I shan’t waste your time with loads of pictures, embedded adds and ramblings about why vitamins are amazing and pooing is essential. YOU KNOW THIS.
Calm The F A R K Down Porridge Bowl
1/3 cup wheat-free oats
1 heaped Tablespoons tahini
2 pitted Medjool dates
1 cup steamed cauliflower blended with 1 1/2 cups water
1 teaspoon maca powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 ripe banana, to serve
1 massive (and I mean mega) spoon FULL of salted macadamia butter (for those that don’t take things literally, this is macadamia butter that has been spiked with pink or sea salt)
Place your cauliflower liquid in a saucepan with oats and dates. Bring to the boil and then reduce heat and simmer until thick, soft and creamy. Try breaking your dates up with the mixing spoon. Turn off the heat and add stir through maca, cinnamon and tahini.
Serve with your ripe banana which you were thoughtful enough to slice up and that generous (AND I MEAN GENEROUS) dollop of salted macadamia butter. If you like crunch like yours truly, add a handful of roasted cashews to the top! Yumbo Jumbo! Now, retreat outside to the sunshine with a glorious read – I know of one if you’re looking – and calm the F A R K down so that you can rest and digest!
Because it feels like a treat, when really, it’s full of everything we need; protein, essential fatty acids, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and fibre.
Every meal tastes jazzy when it’s smothered in nut butter.
Soft plastics. Unlike fallen leaves, decomposing bodies and mineral stones, soft plastics neither break down nor healthfully assimilate with the natural environment. This is a pickle for Mother Nature.
I love Mother Nature.
Here’s a cute snap of me hanging out in one of her glorious trees.
Aren’t we just loving the fact that this little hollow looks like a vaginal canon? Perhaps the caption could read “greetings from Mother Nature’s hoo-ha’, or ’emerging from the womb-tree’.
She has asked me to have a word with you about ending your long-term love affair with soft plastics. She’s also asked me to use lots of F-bombs to emphasis the seriousness of her plea. I have altered the spelling to protect sensitive eyes. To be clear, it’s pronounced ‘far(k) and far king’.
That said, I like to whip things up in a jiffy, especially if I get home-mid-arvo and haven’t eaten lunch, or get home from work after 8 and want dinner pronto.
Last year I was doing 18 hours of placement a week in a nutrition clinic, teaching yoges 7 days a week – sometimes multiple classes daily – and editing my book ready for publishing.
A sneak peak at the glorious cover art for my book baby – set for release Mid March 2019
If I desired regular fuel, I needed to embrace super-human organisation. Not once did I succumb to takeaway – I must be the only spud muffin on the planet who is yet to use Uber Eats. Nor purchase pre-prepared meals from the supermarket – too much plastic packaging and usually cooked in canola oil. How could I even entertain skipping a meal – did I mention how much I like eating?
I may have eaten homemade cupcakes, self-saucing chocolate pudding and chocolate-chip cookie dough for dinner a few times, but that was for ‘work’. I was recipe testing.
These days I work from home or at least close to home and have more leeway when it comes to foodie organisation. That said, I still love meal prepping on Weekends so that I have easy options at the ready for the first half of the week.
Below are some of my fridge and pantry staples and how I use them.
Happy Pantry Perving – may you find inspiration amongst my cluttered shelves and random culinary pairings.
My pantry; a sea of seasonings, raw cacao, carob, matcha, maple syrup, green stevia, oats, banana flour and other bits and bobs. Organically sourced where possible.
My Pantry
Smoothie Staples
I love to have a range of powders and spices on hand for my smoothies. Think cinnamon, vanilla bean, raw cacao (raw chocolate powder is stupendously high in magnesium – very important for a yoga teacher), matcha (green tea) powder, green stevia (a sugar-free, ridiculously sweet-tasting herb), cardamom pods, Spirulina (pictured below) and novel items here and there to change things up. At the moment I’m loving red velvet latte powder (beetroot-based), maca powder, carob and blue Butterly pea powder. Then all I have to do is add filtered water ice cubes, coconut water, frozen organic spinach, fresh zucchini and sliced ginger and whizz – smoothie magic a-go-go.
I love organic spirulina for it’s earthy taste and rich vitamin and protein content. I find Green Nutritionals is the best tasting brand (not sponsored by the way). I also use Changing Habits greens powder (unpictured) as an alternative and like to mix and match the two. I’ll also add Changing Habits probiotics (unpictured) to my smoothies for a gut-loving act of self-care.
Oats and Banana Flour
Man I love working with organic oats and green banana flour. I use them to make these bread roll muffins, and pretty much all other baked goods, including the chocolate cupcakes and self-saucing pudding in my upcoming book baby ‘Periods, Poo & A Glorious You’.
I also use oats to make savoury risottos, chickpea-based cookie dough (also in my book baby) and stirred through coconut yoghurt that had been blended with banana and vanilla and layered with crunchy ground flax seed. Yummers. Me gut says Hells to the Yeah!
Aussie Olive Oil and Organic Coconut oil. I use them both internally (in recipes) and topically as moisturisers or in homemade body scrubs alongside rapadura sugar and essential oils.
Aussie Olive and Organic Coconut Oil
My fam and I can’t do without these two beauties. I love olive oil for dressing veggies and risottos and coconut oil in my nut butters. I also love the flavour of coconut oil with roasted veggies.
Homemade Nut and Seed Butters in recycled jars to skip wastage. Clearly I’m also a fan of Kehoe’s Kitchen Ferments (not sponsored).
Homemade Nut and Seed Butters
Nut and seed butters changed my life. I’m not being dramatic spud muffins. I mean it. You can add them to just about everything and they’ll provide protein (see-ya animal flesh), creaminess (so-long moo-juice), vitamins and minerals (move over chicken embryos) and fibre (your welcome bowels). Here’s how I nut (and seed) butter;
Inca inchi seed butter mixed with turmeric, pepper and salt for a creamy dressing for steamed greens
Pecan Cashew butter with baked sweet spuds (all three colours; red (white flesh), orange (amber flesh) and white (purple flesh)
Hazelnut butter with roasted pumpkin
Tahini – black tahini is my fave – in this recipe. I buy this one from The Source Bulk Foods (not sponsored).
My Fridge
My crisper looking a little bare. It did contain lots of pumpkin, ripe avocado, fresh herbs and extra apples but I ate them. I have fresh blueberries and spinach frozen in the freezer alongside a loaf of organic sourdough oat flour bread. I source all fresh produce organically where possible.
Fresh Fruits, Veggies and Ginger
With help from your pals nut (or seed) butter, seasonings, olive oil, ferments (see below) and either a muffin (see below) or serve of resistant starch rice (cooked and cooled rice – for a specific recipe check out the Poop-promoting Resistant Starch Rice in my upcoming book baby) you can easily make a meal of veggies.
On nights that I teach a yoga class from 7-8pm, I like to enjoy a muffin (below) with 3-4 Brazil nuts plus a generous tablespoon (HEAPED) of nut or seed butter with a simple serving or fresh fruit such as an apple or berries. This makes a light yet satisfying dinner if you eat later than usual – like I do several evenings a week.
Fresh ginger, zucchini and spinach are a dream base for an easy smoothie. Just add ice cubes, coconut water and all of your favourite shelf-stable powers i.e. raw cacao, carob, Spirulina, cinnamon etc. and you have yourself a meal. This works well as a standalone brekkie or as a ‘starter’ before a ‘second course’ of apple or banana with homemade nut or seed butter. I’ve been know to have a snacky smoothie dinner like this when I arrive home late feeling thirsty, hungry and in need of both hydration and easily-digestible energy.
Not sponsored I swear. I just really love Kehoe’s kitchen because the sauerkraut flavours are the bomb diggity bomb bomb! These two are my special faves; fennel & garlic and spiced carrots.
Ferments
These take any savoury meal to the next level and deliver digestive-aiding enzymes to boot. They also offer a whopper dose of friendly probiotics to supplement the ‘forest in our gut’. A little goes a long way. I stir a dollop though veggie and salad creations or eat with ripe avocado and turmeric resistant starch rice for a colourful meal.
Coconut oil roasted pumpkin. It gets even sweeter when refrigerated. All the drools!
Roasted Veggies
Another bomb diggity bomb bomb. Add roast veggies – think pumpkin or sweet spud, regular spud, capsicum, red onion, eggplant, zucchini, beets … WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR GROOVY BOAT – to salads or steamed veggies with freshly cooked chickpeas (see below). It’s also no secret that I love pumpkin and sweet spud with nut/seed butters. You can even snack on roasted veggies. Add homemade guacamole and ferments to make a light meal. Drooling!
Local organic chickpeas striking a pose. Aren’t they little beauties? Proud chickpea mamma!
Slow Cooker Chickpeas
I buy chickpeas dirt cheap at the local bulk store and soak them overnight in salted water. Then I drain, rinse and pop in the slow cooker covered with more water. They cook on high for 4 hours. Then I drain and rinse again. Once cooled, they keep for 5 days in the fridge in an airtight container. I use them in salads, veggie creations, this bowl and Orgasmic Cookie Dough (recipe in my book baby).
When I die this recipe will appear on my tombstone. I’m kidding of course, but Holy Heck!. My bowel flora (yes, my dear, sweet colon bugs) love these bubsy boos so effing muchies!
Profound Plantain Muffins
Forget the infamous Fat Bomb Muffins of best-selling cookbooks gone by, these muffins are their plant-based, fibre-bomb cousins. They add satisfaction and loads of gut-soothing fibre (nothing harsh about these intestinal brooms) to any meal and because they are the best-ever vehicle for homemade nut butter, they make upping proteins and fats in the diet a cinch. In my nut butter-obsessed opinion it would be a crime to eat these babies without nut or seed butter. Or at the very least creamy coconut butter if nuts and seeds send your immune system haywire. To be truthful, I often make these delights with green bananas, as I don’t always get to the markets to snag a bunch of plantains. They still work out swell.
This is how my glorious gut bugs respond to my happy lifestyle of muffins and yoges.
There you have it kiddlets. This is why I’m such a happy banana. Look at all the delicious and soooooo freakin easy peasy lemon squeezy foods I get to enjoy. I hope you’ve found inspiration in all, some or a humble few of my everyday suggestions.
If you’re wanting even more foodie inspiration, kitchen clarity or nutritional coaching, check out my list of services to see if working together sounds like something that would make you happier than a bright little Vegemite. I am a qualified nutritionist who acts more like a foodie fairy godmother than a white coat health professional.
