Gut health, Periods, Poo & A Glorious You

Gut Busters

Faced with a gut myth and don’t know where to turn? Who you gonna call? Gut busters!

Last week I invited Ginger on to set us straight about her spicy merits and today, we are lucky enough to be joined by Connor Colon from Gut Busters (a.k.a your colon – the distal end of your digestive tract). Connor is going to bust 3 common myths about gut health so we can all rest easy and save our pennies in the process.

Myth #1; the first rule of gut club? Don’t talk about gut club

Oh dear, you’re confusing gut club with fight club. Though I’d be over the moon if Brad Pitt chaired all future gut club meetings, that’s where the similarities between the two clubs end. You can definitely talk about gut club. Do-doo do it!

  • Share how euphoric you feel after a good dump. Empty colon, full heart. How’s that for a feel good back-of-toilet-door affirmation?
  • Discuss your constipation hacks and gut-health go-tos.
  • Celebrate dietary fibre
  • Sing sweet odes to my dear colon bugs. After all, without them you’d never enjoy the basic privilege of going number 2

Myth #2; gut health begins and ends with probiotics

Probiotics are glorious.

  • Kombucha is fizzy drink in poo-pushing form
  • Coconut yogurt is gut-pacifying glory at it’s tangy best
  • Sauerkraut is the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to cabbage

That said, before the ‘pro’ we must tend to the ‘pre’. No, not pre-drinks (unless that drink is the aforementioned Kombucha), I’m talking pre-biotics. Fibre, glorious, fibre. The inspiring indigestible carbohydrates that feed your colon bugs. Royal roughage. Oh golly, I feel a parody coming on …

Fibre’s waiting.

(we only got four minutes to take a dump)

Celebrating.

(Pushing poo, through the colon pump)

Grab a pre (then grab a pro)

Farts are shaking.

(We only got four minutes to take a dump)

It’s elating.

(We only got four minutes, push those pooey limits)

– Connor Colon, trying his hand at song-writing

Okay, so in non-musical terms, my point is, without fibre, your probiotics have nothing to feed on and they’ll wither away and die. Probiotics are a useful tool for generalised gut maintenance but you already host beneficial bacteria in your gut that will multiply (for free) if you simply feed them some roughage. Think cooked and cooled rice or potato, legumes, fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds and garlic. Dine on the finest and produce your own damn good bacteria.

Myth # 3; c-section babies are screwed

Wash your mouth out with soap! Actually, don’t, the antimicrobial agents will destroy your good bacteria.

Whilst it’s true that vaginal entry is ideal, for reasons such as the acquisition of mum’s vulva microbes establishing the underpinnings of immunity, this doesn’t mean that babies who emerged from a cut across the tum-tums are scarred for life. Their mother’s are, but hey, that’s what surgery does to a person.

Babies that didn’t swallow a big gulp of vaginal goop as they took their first breath have many other ways to build a robust microbiome. They can …

  • Drink breast milk
  • Play outside
  • Have a pet
  • Snack on yoghurt
  • Giggle a lot. Yep, laughter is good for the gut.

It feels mighty satisfying to engage with ya’ll and share the parody that I’ve been brewing since ‘Four Minutes’ became a hit in 2008. I mean, I usually have to trigger your deflation reflex to get you to listen to me. You know that satisfying sensation of needing to do a poo? Yeah, that’s me, serving it to ya straight.

Anyhow, before I get back to manufacturing more awesome turds for you to enjoy passing in the not too distant future, I’d like to recommend a light-hearted read that can be read anywhere, including on the loo or whilst perched in a pre-poop squat position.

Periods, Poo & A Glorious You is a hearty and hilarious read that gives moi a starring role. I recommend this book as highly as I recommend fibre. I’ll reflex ya later.

Poopiest regards, Connor Colon xxx