I’m talking about the lessons my book baby – who just happens to sport a gloriously happy va-J-J on her front cover (hence the hoo-ha aspect to this posts cheeky title) – can teach us. The lessons extending beyond the delicious information in her eclectic chapters. Holy Guaca-foodgasm-mole! Not yet a week old and my papery darling is already wiser than most.
Sharing a candid moment on the sand. My wise girl loves her sunshine.
Lesson #1: Kiddlets have minds of their own.
Indeed. As I mentioned in my last post, my papery offspring decided that she wanted to create a game that you could play as you devoured her glorious pages. She’s called it Where’s Whoopsies? It’s like Where’s Wolly? – minus the stripes. I combed through her meticulously. My editors and publishers and designers did too. Even her Grandmumsy (my snazzy Mamma T) came to the party in the final editing stages. We toiled to iron out even the most minor of kinks. Yet my sweet girl decided to play hide and seek with a few minor corrections. You (the reader) have two options;
Find these ‘whoopsies’ (cheeky errors) and ‘win’ the game
Let your incredible brains correct the errors before you consciously notice them
This brings is to lesson # 2
Lesson #2: Our bodies truly are astonishing
Okay, so I’ll admit that my heart sank when I initially noticed my baby’s grammar whoopsies. Then she looked at me with her endearing, happy eyes and said “but Mamma, look how clever your brain is. It corrected the words in your mind’s eye”. She’s right. As much as our snazzy ‘override’ mechanism makes the editing process a challenge, our in-built autocorrection is something to behold.
Lesson #3: Life wasn’t meant to be airbrushed
My girl is an old soul. Despite being born in the age of insta-filters and photoshop, she champions old school realness. The days where we took photos and hoped for the best because we couldn’t edit or delete. Recycling unwanted snaps post-development was as ‘airbrushed’ as it got. Before autocorrect most things were written by hand on the fly and mishaps were an inevitable part of the process. We’ve come to expect perfection and thus chase elusive ideals. My book baby is pretty darn special. Pretty darn close to perfect. Yet she comes with a small handful of oversights as if to say “I’m keeping it real”. Bless her rectangular papery pages.
Lesson #4: Let it Go.
I’m not going to tell you what the errors are or where they’re located. In all honestly I hope that your glorious brains override these insignificant boo-boos. That said, if you do win the game of Where’s Whoopsies I trust that it won’t mean any more to you than it does to me when I find typos in my favourite books. Never does a minor error take away from the good value and overall message. I trust that the compassion I have for my favourite authors will come back to me with my glorious audience. That or they’ll miss them altogether. Either way, I’m letting all recently discovered (and yet to be noticed – if there’s still a few silly buggers lurking) slide and instead focus on the beauty of what I set out to and have achieved. Health, Happiness and Humour for myself and the world.
Health. Happiness. And Humour. Yes. Yes. And Yes.
This wise little girl can’t wait to befriend you. Adopt her below.
Isn’t she a beauty. I know, I know. She has my cervix.
I was reluctant to become a book Mamma. To spread my legs and let the literary gods impregnate me with the drive to create a unique and non-cliched publication.
Thankfully I felt the fear and got pregnant (with paper) anyway.
My baby knows what she likes and told me what she needed to be. She refused to be free of typos. No matter how many times I lovingly combed her pages, she’d sneakily play hide and seek with minor corrections. “Mamma” she whispered to me last night before I put her down “now our glorious audience have a game to play when they read – where’s whoopsies?”. Isn’t she a delight? She is challenging my deep-seated perfectionist tendencies and I love her for it.
She insisted on being playful, lively, honest, candid, and, well;
G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S.
Hence her title.
Despite her front cover sporting a delightful Va-J-J, she is a uni-sex read for all ages and stages. If you have a body and sense of humour she was made for you. Periods was such an ace pairing for Poo that we rolled with it. Again, we emphasise as a mother-daughter duo; SHE IS NOT ALL ABOUT PERIODS. Lads gather ’round. What she’s on about is health … but not in a way that you are likely familiar.
She is a collection of my personal anecdotes (mostly surrounding my path from borderline-dead to robust health), orgasmic recipes (start salivating now), jokes and cheek (so much cheek) and health information imparted through cartoons, analogies and a whole lot of heart-felt humour. My baby is ready to play.
She loves;
Making others laugh – for a long, long time. And then when they think back to what they were laughing about, they start laughing all over again. She’s already doing this.
Sharing recipes that are simple, taste orgasmically delicious and ‘just happen to be’ stupendously nourishing
Airing my dirty laundry and poking fun at me wherever she can. I thought this didn’t start happening until the teenage years. Sighs.
Dropping cheeky F-bombs where no other phrase will do. The apple of me eye, I’m telling you.
She refuses to;
Tell you what to do
Make your mind up for you
Preach
Lure people into bandwagon carriages. She’d rather dance alongside you whilst YOU beat the drum that she’s gently supported you in building.
She’s already a social media tart.
Check her out below – she cannot wait to meet you.
Soft plastics. Unlike fallen leaves, decomposing bodies and mineral stones, soft plastics neither break down nor healthfully assimilate with the natural environment. This is a pickle for Mother Nature.
I love Mother Nature.
Here’s a cute snap of me hanging out in one of her glorious trees.
Aren’t we just loving the fact that this little hollow looks like a vaginal canon? Perhaps the caption could read “greetings from Mother Nature’s hoo-ha’, or ’emerging from the womb-tree’.
She has asked me to have a word with you about ending your long-term love affair with soft plastics. She’s also asked me to use lots of F-bombs to emphasis the seriousness of her plea. I have altered the spelling to protect sensitive eyes. To be clear, it’s pronounced ‘far(k) and far king’.
In this post, we talked rituals that nourish the skin from the outside in. Now we flip the bird. Not literally – keep those middle fingers in check. Let’s go from the outside in to the inside out.
Here’s a budget-friendly truth bomb; as fun as face masks, naked backyard body scrubs and pissing your cat off by taking the time to cleanse your face before you feed them brekkie can be, the simplest way to foster glowing skin is to up the antioxidants and beneficial fatty acids in the diet.
Calm your farm, not that sort of quickie – I meant a quick blog post.
A short and sweet (like me) post about skincare. Heck Yes!
The skin is our largest organ. That’s right – an organ. It absorbs topical applications quicker than the digestive tract absorbs ingested substances. It pays to invest in chemical-free skincare products and show the skin some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
This is not an affiliated post. I do namedrop Twenty8 and KORA organics but only because I’ve been using them for yonks. KORA since I was 15 and Twenty8 since 18. Both are organic, Australian companies that combine the magic of aromatherapy with plant medicine to create ethically natural personal care products. I may also have a girl crush on Miranda Kerr (who doesn’t?) and Kim Morrison (Twenty8 founder) is a friend and mentor of mine and I enjoy helping an amigo out with a candid plug. Anyhow.
I find it frightening that between artificial fragrances and the plethora of chemicals in hair products and cosmetics, the lay person is exposing themselves to thousands of artificial ingredients daily – before they even step out of the bathroom in the morning.
What pacifies this chilling reality is that it’s stupendously easy to make a few simple swaps and displace these thousands of chemicals. Organic products are potent and end up lasting you twice as long as the regular stuff. While it may seem like an investment initially, you aren’t spending extra money overall. Winning!
Below is my regular skincare regimen + some tips on how to save dollars and still have glowing skin. I know I’m only 22 – but I still manage to look like a sweet 16 year old – minus the ‘problem skin’ -so I must be doing a few things right skincare-wise.
From back left; soothing facial moisturiser, toner, cleanser, crystals (for a face massage) and eye cream. All organic, local brands (except crystals – they’re probably from overseas).
My Morning ‘quickie’
First thing every morning – no matter how much my dear sweet Carly Cat is screaming at me for her brekkie – I take a few minutes to cleanse and moisturise. I cleanse with my Twenty8 cleanser, pat my face dry and then spritz my face and neck with Twenty8 toner. I have had the same toner concentrate for 4 years and I’ve still got plenty! How? It’s a concentrated solution that you dilute in water, a wee bit goes an extraordinarily long way. I then moisturise my damp face and neck with KORA organics soothing moisturiser. I only use the tiniest little pump and which is all I need. This cream lasts me at least 4 months. I then finish with the tiniest smear of Twenty8 firming eye cream. I use this morning and night – right before bed. This tiny jar lasts me about 6 months – sometimes longer. Ok Carly Cat, time for brekkie – thanks for waiting. Meow. Scratch, scratch. Meow.
Why not give yourself a tarot reading with one hand and a crystal massage with the other? Snaps to multi-tasking. I know what you’re thinking. Rach is a fucking hippy cliche. Ain’t nothing wrong with that dear ones. At least I’m a happy hippy cliche – with happy skin to match. Boom shakalaka.
Crystal Facial
A few times a week I’ll grab one of my smooth finished crystals and massage my face and neck with it in circular motions. Not only does it feel relaxing, I dig the ritual of taking the time to give myself a crystal facial. This is a great one to do on a short stroll in the morning (two birds, one stone) or even when having a conversation with someone. It can be pretty mindless. A simple act of self-care. Plus, once you’ve invested in the crystal, it’s free. Every time.
Twenty8 clay mask featuring my snazzy unicorn shower cap. Me sexy.
A Mask
I try to do a mask once or twice a week. At the moment I have the twenty8 clay mask but if I’m opting for the DIY option, I’ll simply combine some tahini (ground sesame paste) and raw cacao. I buy both in bulk from The Source Bulk Foods – so it’s a dirt cheap option. It is a bit messy, so I’ll apply it starkers (yes, naked) and just pace back and forth on my back lawn (or lie down and listen to some tunes) while my skin soaks up the oils and antioxidants. Then I hope in the shower and wash it off. My skin feels like a baby’s bottom afterwards – minus the poop smears. Glorious.
Additional Budget Friendly Tips
An easy body scrub (apply naked on back lawn or on an old towel in the bathroom if you have snoopy neighbours or don’t have a back lawn) is a few spoons of rapadura (or coconut) sugar mixed with extra virgin olive oil and a drop of your fave essential oil. Use as an exfoliant from neck to toe. Give yourself a good massage with it and then rinse off in the shower. Your skin will feel amazing and smell effing divine. Sexy feels get around you!
Extra virgin olive oil and organic coconut oils make the cheapest and easiest body moisturisers. Spike with a tiny drop of essential oil and you displace the need for perfume.
Olive oil is a great eye treatment overnight. I got this tip from one of my heroes; Lola Berry (thanks Lols). Apply a drop around the eye area and massage in before hitting the sack. It soaks in overnight. Antioxidants in the olives rejuvenate skin cells.
Wear a cap. Seriously, Vitamin D is bloody important, but having a cap will shield the face and neck – arguably the most sensitive areas that receive sun exposure – from too many sunny vibes.
Eat antioxidants. Veg the fuck up dear ones. Bright coloured fruits and veggies, as well as nuts, seeds, legumes, herbs, spices and organic wholegrains such as oats and brown rice are your skin’s best mates. Antioxidants slow the ageing process, whilst the natural plant oils feed the skin. A list of heroes to get you started; avocados, walnuts, berries, greens, sweet spuds, apples turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, paprika, pumpkin, figs and prunes.
That said, I like to whip things up in a jiffy, especially if I get home-mid-arvo and haven’t eaten lunch, or get home from work after 8 and want dinner pronto.
Last year I was doing 18 hours of placement a week in a nutrition clinic, teaching yoges 7 days a week – sometimes multiple classes daily – and editing my book ready for publishing.
A sneak peak at the glorious cover art for my book baby – set for release Mid March 2019
If I desired regular fuel, I needed to embrace super-human organisation. Not once did I succumb to takeaway – I must be the only spud muffin on the planet who is yet to use Uber Eats. Nor purchase pre-prepared meals from the supermarket – too much plastic packaging and usually cooked in canola oil. How could I even entertain skipping a meal – did I mention how much I like eating?
I may have eaten homemade cupcakes, self-saucing chocolate pudding and chocolate-chip cookie dough for dinner a few times, but that was for ‘work’. I was recipe testing.
These days I work from home or at least close to home and have more leeway when it comes to foodie organisation. That said, I still love meal prepping on Weekends so that I have easy options at the ready for the first half of the week.
Below are some of my fridge and pantry staples and how I use them.
Happy Pantry Perving – may you find inspiration amongst my cluttered shelves and random culinary pairings.
My pantry; a sea of seasonings, raw cacao, carob, matcha, maple syrup, green stevia, oats, banana flour and other bits and bobs. Organically sourced where possible.
My Pantry
Smoothie Staples
I love to have a range of powders and spices on hand for my smoothies. Think cinnamon, vanilla bean, raw cacao (raw chocolate powder is stupendously high in magnesium – very important for a yoga teacher), matcha (green tea) powder, green stevia (a sugar-free, ridiculously sweet-tasting herb), cardamom pods, Spirulina (pictured below) and novel items here and there to change things up. At the moment I’m loving red velvet latte powder (beetroot-based), maca powder, carob and blue Butterly pea powder. Then all I have to do is add filtered water ice cubes, coconut water, frozen organic spinach, fresh zucchini and sliced ginger and whizz – smoothie magic a-go-go.
I love organic spirulina for it’s earthy taste and rich vitamin and protein content. I find Green Nutritionals is the best tasting brand (not sponsored by the way). I also use Changing Habits greens powder (unpictured) as an alternative and like to mix and match the two. I’ll also add Changing Habits probiotics (unpictured) to my smoothies for a gut-loving act of self-care.
Oats and Banana Flour
Man I love working with organic oats and green banana flour. I use them to make these bread roll muffins, and pretty much all other baked goods, including the chocolate cupcakes and self-saucing pudding in my upcoming book baby ‘Periods, Poo & A Glorious You’.
I also use oats to make savoury risottos, chickpea-based cookie dough (also in my book baby) and stirred through coconut yoghurt that had been blended with banana and vanilla and layered with crunchy ground flax seed. Yummers. Me gut says Hells to the Yeah!
Aussie Olive Oil and Organic Coconut oil. I use them both internally (in recipes) and topically as moisturisers or in homemade body scrubs alongside rapadura sugar and essential oils.
Aussie Olive and Organic Coconut Oil
My fam and I can’t do without these two beauties. I love olive oil for dressing veggies and risottos and coconut oil in my nut butters. I also love the flavour of coconut oil with roasted veggies.
Homemade Nut and Seed Butters in recycled jars to skip wastage. Clearly I’m also a fan of Kehoe’s Kitchen Ferments (not sponsored).
Homemade Nut and Seed Butters
Nut and seed butters changed my life. I’m not being dramatic spud muffins. I mean it. You can add them to just about everything and they’ll provide protein (see-ya animal flesh), creaminess (so-long moo-juice), vitamins and minerals (move over chicken embryos) and fibre (your welcome bowels). Here’s how I nut (and seed) butter;
Inca inchi seed butter mixed with turmeric, pepper and salt for a creamy dressing for steamed greens
Pecan Cashew butter with baked sweet spuds (all three colours; red (white flesh), orange (amber flesh) and white (purple flesh)
Hazelnut butter with roasted pumpkin
Tahini – black tahini is my fave – in this recipe. I buy this one from The Source Bulk Foods (not sponsored).
My Fridge
My crisper looking a little bare. It did contain lots of pumpkin, ripe avocado, fresh herbs and extra apples but I ate them. I have fresh blueberries and spinach frozen in the freezer alongside a loaf of organic sourdough oat flour bread. I source all fresh produce organically where possible.
Fresh Fruits, Veggies and Ginger
With help from your pals nut (or seed) butter, seasonings, olive oil, ferments (see below) and either a muffin (see below) or serve of resistant starch rice (cooked and cooled rice – for a specific recipe check out the Poop-promoting Resistant Starch Rice in my upcoming book baby) you can easily make a meal of veggies.
On nights that I teach a yoga class from 7-8pm, I like to enjoy a muffin (below) with 3-4 Brazil nuts plus a generous tablespoon (HEAPED) of nut or seed butter with a simple serving or fresh fruit such as an apple or berries. This makes a light yet satisfying dinner if you eat later than usual – like I do several evenings a week.
Fresh ginger, zucchini and spinach are a dream base for an easy smoothie. Just add ice cubes, coconut water and all of your favourite shelf-stable powers i.e. raw cacao, carob, Spirulina, cinnamon etc. and you have yourself a meal. This works well as a standalone brekkie or as a ‘starter’ before a ‘second course’ of apple or banana with homemade nut or seed butter. I’ve been know to have a snacky smoothie dinner like this when I arrive home late feeling thirsty, hungry and in need of both hydration and easily-digestible energy.
Not sponsored I swear. I just really love Kehoe’s kitchen because the sauerkraut flavours are the bomb diggity bomb bomb! These two are my special faves; fennel & garlic and spiced carrots.
Ferments
These take any savoury meal to the next level and deliver digestive-aiding enzymes to boot. They also offer a whopper dose of friendly probiotics to supplement the ‘forest in our gut’. A little goes a long way. I stir a dollop though veggie and salad creations or eat with ripe avocado and turmeric resistant starch rice for a colourful meal.
Coconut oil roasted pumpkin. It gets even sweeter when refrigerated. All the drools!
Roasted Veggies
Another bomb diggity bomb bomb. Add roast veggies – think pumpkin or sweet spud, regular spud, capsicum, red onion, eggplant, zucchini, beets … WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR GROOVY BOAT – to salads or steamed veggies with freshly cooked chickpeas (see below). It’s also no secret that I love pumpkin and sweet spud with nut/seed butters. You can even snack on roasted veggies. Add homemade guacamole and ferments to make a light meal. Drooling!
Local organic chickpeas striking a pose. Aren’t they little beauties? Proud chickpea mamma!
Slow Cooker Chickpeas
I buy chickpeas dirt cheap at the local bulk store and soak them overnight in salted water. Then I drain, rinse and pop in the slow cooker covered with more water. They cook on high for 4 hours. Then I drain and rinse again. Once cooled, they keep for 5 days in the fridge in an airtight container. I use them in salads, veggie creations, this bowl and Orgasmic Cookie Dough (recipe in my book baby).
When I die this recipe will appear on my tombstone. I’m kidding of course, but Holy Heck!. My bowel flora (yes, my dear, sweet colon bugs) love these bubsy boos so effing muchies!
Profound Plantain Muffins
Forget the infamous Fat Bomb Muffins of best-selling cookbooks gone by, these muffins are their plant-based, fibre-bomb cousins. They add satisfaction and loads of gut-soothing fibre (nothing harsh about these intestinal brooms) to any meal and because they are the best-ever vehicle for homemade nut butter, they make upping proteins and fats in the diet a cinch. In my nut butter-obsessed opinion it would be a crime to eat these babies without nut or seed butter. Or at the very least creamy coconut butter if nuts and seeds send your immune system haywire. To be truthful, I often make these delights with green bananas, as I don’t always get to the markets to snag a bunch of plantains. They still work out swell.
This is how my glorious gut bugs respond to my happy lifestyle of muffins and yoges.
There you have it kiddlets. This is why I’m such a happy banana. Look at all the delicious and soooooo freakin easy peasy lemon squeezy foods I get to enjoy. I hope you’ve found inspiration in all, some or a humble few of my everyday suggestions.
If you’re wanting even more foodie inspiration, kitchen clarity or nutritional coaching, check out my list of services to see if working together sounds like something that would make you happier than a bright little Vegemite. I am a qualified nutritionist who acts more like a foodie fairy godmother than a white coat health professional.
When I completed placement in a nutrition clinic as part of my university degree I felt uncomfortable in telling people what to do.
Prescribing supplements wasn’t my jam – unless someone was severely deficient or the supplements were food based.
I would cringe at the idea of prescribing a certain ‘diet’ – other than one based on whole foods, organic where possible and including lots of brightly coloured plant foods.
Disclaimer: I am not against vaccination. Read that again. This is not a poem written with the intention of changing minds, but rather opening them to research loopholes, that honestly, I myself was shocked to find.
I write this disclaimer because I have no intention of being a poster child for the anti-vaccination movement.
There are two sides to every story and though the benefits of vaccination are evident in the significant decrease of infectious disease outbreaks we witness in society, it does appear that preliminary research is giving us cause to question a one-size-fits-most schedule as well as the “placebo” injections used in safety trials.
I wonder whether in time, brilliant minds will find ways to make immunisations without ingredients that pose a threat to vulnerable subsections of the population or, alternatively, pioneer immune-building alternatives that revolutionise the practice of preventative medicine.
This poem endeavours to start a conversation, about the controversial topic of immunisation.
Discussing the science (or lack thereof) as it currently stands, to feed lesser known information into our deserving hands.
